I hate you. Seriously, I do. I'm sorry if that was harsh, if it hurt your feelings, but I don't feel it helps anybody to sugarcoat things, even if it spares your superinflated, mega-bespoilered, ultrazord-combat-kitted egos.
I feel like that one guy from Jurassic Park, questioning the really cool things that the scientists were creating when he commented that they should have asked whether they should clone dinosaurs before proving that they could. (I mean, making new dinosaurs? How freakin' cool is that?!) But, somebody has to be the naysayer, somebody has to take y'all down a notch or fifty.
You guys, generally as a lot, are capable of creating some amazing cars! You have the talent of taking already incredible powertrains, and turning them into the sort of devices that could propel bricks into orbit. Instead of a gas pedal, some of your cars should come equipped with Patrick Stewart sitting in the passenger seat saying, "Engage!" I'm all for it.
More power: Oh yes!
Wider tires: Yes please.
Improved suspension: Definitely!
Lowered ride height: That's the spirit!
Cool new technologies: Sure, OK.
Bigger wheels: Yeah, within reason.
But that's about where it falls apart. I mean, just as you are capable of creating drivetrains and running gear that are completely off the hizzy, you are equally as talented at COMPLETELY SCREWING UP great designs.
It's amazing, I've been looking around, and pretty much all of the major car manufacturers are putting out great, clean designs. Save a couple companies (you know who you are) who like to slap concave surfaces and/or excessive flares on their current lineup (I won't name any names, BMW and Mercedes), pretty much everybody is doing a good job. Plus, most of the high-end companies like Bentley, Lamborghini, Porsche, and Audi are turning out exceptionally clean and classy designs.
Then you get your hands on them.
I don't know what goes through your minds, but I have a feeling the internal conversations go something like this: "Muwahahahaaaaa, we've installed a 700 horsepower engine and eight speed tranmission with ceramic clutch in this supercar, our work is almost complete! Now all we have to do is add two additional spoilers, ground effects tunnels, six more vents, twelve louvers in the decklid, twenty strakes, some mesh grilles, and some kind of decorative window thingy to change the shape of the rear window..."
It is at this point in your conversation in which I could smack you.
Please, all of you tuners, pay particularly close attention now: STOP IT! Just stop it! SOMETIMES, LESS IS MORE.
I'm incredibly disappointed with most of you. I feel like some who've been around for a long time (Alois, I'm talking to you too) have let me down. Seriously, I feel it on a personal level. In talking about this with other enthusiasts, I've learned that many of them feel the same.
Some of you have never known anything better, you've always had a penchant for slapping gigantic cascading wings with useless strakes on timeless designs, or you've always thought that a Gulf-liveried 700-hp SUV rolling on 26-inch wheels and 25-series rubber would be an excellent idea. I don't know what to do with you guys, you're my bad kids who I just want to put up on the black market. Let somebody else deal with your issues. Maybe if I ignore you, you'll move out.
But you others, there's still hope for you. Ruf, Abt, Hamann, et al: It isn't too late. Step away from the sketchbook, the pen is your lightsaber and you're too close to the dark side.
Concentrate on what you know best: making awesome cars handle awesomer, turning fast cars into low-flying ballistic missiles. Concentrate on the science of making cars go fast, you'll remember what you once knew about the subtleties of aerodynamics and downforce - that it doesn't take much to keep a car planted at speed; just a flip here, a subtle wing there. Quit cladding on sculpted bodylines where there were none if they aren't needed. Scoops should be applied in moderation, and are best used for ice cream. Tunnels are for mountains, combat is for soldiers, and huge wings are for airplanes.
I have faith in you. You can stop the madness. Don't let me and my fellow enthusiasts down.
Gah!
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